I've been contemplating the second anniversary without my dear Heather. 35 years ago, today, we were married and had an amazing life together. We supported each other through the various ups and downs life threw at us until lung cancer took her from me. I sometimes feel guilty for the times I prevaricated about doing things and the opportunities we might have missed. The fates conspired and we were not able to have children and I often think what a wonderful mother Heather would have made.
Then again I think of those who didn't get that length of time together,because of illness or the breakdown of the relationship. I have a young friend who life seems to have dealt an awful hand: he has MS which has progressed significantly over the last couple of years and now his wife wants a divorce and has already been playing silly beggars with the joint finances. His best friend died suddenly last week after a virus turned to sepsis. A nicer young person you would struggle to find, and he has a great taste in music to go with it. There may be 30 years between us but we have wonderful conversations.
Another friend told me today about her sister-in-law who like me is now into the second year since losing her partner. She needs the help of anti-depressants to cope despite keeping herself busy helping with the RVS cafe in the local hospital and the Darby and Joan club. I may be struggling at times but at least, for the moment, I don't need that kind of support. There have been a few tears in the run up to today, but I'm generally coping. The phrase "time is a healer" is something I would never say to anyone now. In time you may learn to cope but I haven't healed any in 15 months.
Last year I was struggling to cope after my bike accident and I think the anniversary almost passed me by in terms of the emotional involvement.
i'm going out with my sisters and their husbands tonight so wont be at home on my own. I felt it best to plan this distraction.