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Silly things that amuse

This is possibly the stupidest song ever written in the history of humanity.

I love it so much I have requested it played at my funeral. I even played it to my 87yr old dad over Easter, who almost wet himself. Actually I think he very likely did wet himself.

I think if you have slight dementia, it's possibly even more amusing:


Capt
 
My friend Sadly lost his left testicle after a road accident !. Trouble is now every time he does something wrong his wife gives him a " Right Bollocking " !!
 
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I recall another DT corker from years ago, I think it was the 50th anniversary of D-Day, which it described as 'the greatest amphibian landing in history'.
 
The Captain said:
My favourite newspaper article so far this year, today in The Indy..

Police pull over driver and find £10,000 of heroin and cocaine, a lamb and a bag of chips

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/police-car-cocaine-glasgow-lamb-b2325918.html

Great photo of the animal in question & bag of chips too.

Capt.
Click to expand...

Obviously a Billy Connolly fan with a terminal illness;

"Sheep s*******g is very good for you, I'm told. I have never done this. It's one of the things I'm keeping for when the doctor tells me, I've got cancer, you know. I've got a list of things I'd like to try, you know. So I'll be behind the farm wall with a syringe with the heroin. "Right we are, bring the f*****g sheep over." Apparently you take them to the edge of a mountain for best effect. They push back better, I'm told. We take it very seriously in Scotland, oh yes, you can buy wee suspenders for them and all that, blindfolds. Blindfolds and suspenders. Bahhh. "Oh, I love it when you're moaning like that." Bahhh. "
 
SIR – I read with interest the letter (October 1) from Sue Ajax-Lewis, outlining her difficulties applying toothpaste to her brush while nursing an injured arm. I have had to muddle along with only one arm since an incident with a twin-tub washing machine in the late 1980s. The simple solution is to apply a dab of toothpaste to a saucer using your good arm, then scoop it up on to the bristles of your brush, again using your good arm. I hope this will make her mornings a little easier. A C, Poole, Dorset

SIR – Ms Ajax-Lewis could apply toothpaste to her front teeth then pick up her brush and sweep. Or, as I do, place the teeth in the dishwasher. D T, Woodley, Berkshire
 
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