Conan,
Very sorry to hear of your situation. I have no direct personal experience of divorce, but have watched a lot of close family and friends go through the ordeal, with "outcomes" ranging from the civilized (both parents still on speaking terms, even capable of weekends or outings together with the kids) to the awful (10-year trench warfare, 6-figure sums spent on lawyers, irreparable psychological trauma, etc. with no end in sight). So FWIW, a few suggestions:
- As others have said, do try to keep it amicable, even if that might seem difficult: the mother of your children and your children deserve the same as you do, i.e. a considerate and civilized separation process. Arbitration is always worth trying.
- On the other hand, don't be naive: if your wife seems determined to take you to the cleaners and wreck your future life, you will need a good lawyer. Good lawyers are usually expensive and sometimes hard to find, so it is worth spending some time on finding the right one. If you realize after a few months that the lawyer you picked is not doing the job to your liking, finding and briefing a new one will be expensive.
- Almost inevitably, these things turn into a negotiation about money. You may want to consider making a higher/better offer early on, in the hope of cutting a very expensive and debilitating process as short as possible. In other words give the money to your wife now rather than to the lawyers over the next few years of an expensive legal battle, one that you may lose anyway. It sounds as if your earning ability is much higher than hers, so something like
@Andy Stephenson suggested upthread may be something to think about.
I hope you can all come to a reasonable agreement.