If it's any consolation, I've been on a similar journey in the last few months.
I suppose I'm seen as one of the more left-wing members of the forum, but I don't think I've ever had the knee-jerk hatred of the US and "Western imperialism" characteristic of many on the left. I try to assess claims on their merits, based on evidence, and regardless of their source, so this has led me to be sceptical of US claims (e.g. about the Iraq war) but that never amounted to an anti-US ideological bias. I also still held to some form of belief in the idea that there "is a rules-based international order".
The last few months have totally shattered that last illusion, and the behaviour Israel, the US and its allies in the days following the ICJ ruling have ground those shattered fragments into dust. It feels like a moral catastrophe of historic significance, and it's hard to see how there's any going back from here.
I think I would have arrived at this position even if I'd only watched mainstream news, but tuning into Al Jazeera occasionally has been a complete eye-opener. It's a way of seeing the US and the West as other parts of the world see us, and it's not a pretty sight. It's made me realise how slanted and parochial the news agenda is in the UK. It's also made me realise how it is completely permeated with racist assumptions about non-whites who are presented either as savages, or as nameless and faceless victims, en masse - whereas the Israeli victims of the 7th October attack are portrayed as individuals with rich inner lives and moving personal histories.
The last few months have sickened and devastated me.
So yes, I fully understand where you're coming from. My only advice is to go easy on yourself and step away from the fray when you have to. On a personal note, I've always hated demos, but I've found going to a few in Sheffield has helped (the "I'm not alone" cliche), though I realise these things aren't for everyone.