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Lyrics that make you laugh

It's not so funny if you went to a school that had a laissez-faire attitude towards sadists. Your only hope was that the bastard didn't pick on you.

One teacher used to pick on this kid every day for no reason at all. He had an array of cricket bats of various sizes up to adult displayed in full view of anyone who chose to walk in. He got the kid to choose which bat he was going to get hit with and then bend him over a front desk and whack him hard with it. Once he pulled him down onto the ground and started kicking him in the guts. The kid was 10 years old. The old bastard's long dead and rotting in hell.
 
Back to the subject, do you mean intentionally or otherwise. Myself, I love the élégant satire of Ross Ryan.
 
2ManyBoxes said:
It's not so funny if you went to a school that had a laissez-faire attitude towards sadists. Your only hope was that the bastard didn't pick on you.

One teacher used to pick on this kid every day for no reason at all. He had an array of cricket bats of various sizes up to adult displayed in full view of anyone who chose to walk in. He got the kid to choose which bat he was going to get hit with and then bend him over a front desk and whack him hard with it. Once he pulled him down onto the ground and started kicking him in the guts. The kid was 10 years old. The old bastard's long dead and rotting in hell.
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So ... we can't laugh or smile at an overtly cartoonish, satirical portrayal, specifically intended to mock and/or deride those who routinely did what you describe ... ?
 
In my teaching days in Oz I remember hearing a teacher yelling at a kid, then streaming, followed by the teacher wandering out from behind a classroom, hands in pockets, who stopped when he saw me, smille, made a comment about the weather and continued his journey. I rounded the building, to find a year 7 kid crying and staunching the blood from his face where he'd clearly been hit.

I reported the matter immediately to the vice principal, who assumed an angry expression and said "Right, leave it to me", and marched off. The next day the VP told me the teacher had been moved to a collège, and would do less teaching.

I still regret bitterly more than 20 years later not reporting her, the teacher and all concerned to the police. The kid was pulled from school, but the teacher, as far as I know, prospered. That bastard deserved anyihing but what was effectively a promotion.

And no, I will never laugh, only feel the shame I let the matter go.
 
Tumeni Notes said:
So ... we can't laugh or smile at an overtly cartoonish, satirical portrayal, specifically intended to mock and/or deride those who routinely did what you describe ... ?
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Some things are so bad that you cannot laugh at them. It's like being there when they discovered Auschwitz and saying 'I don't think much of their holiday camp' and wandering off for a fag and a brew, you'd have to be inhuman. It'd be like laughing at a rape.

Maybe you've been lucky and never seen such things yourself, or you haven't got the imagination, or you've got the empathy of a great white shark. You and I seem to be equidistant from the human norm but in opposite directions.
 
Take the National Express when your life's in a mess
It'll make you smile
All human life is here
From the feeble old dear to the screaming child
From the student who knows that to have one of those
Would be suicide
To the family man
Manhandling the pram with paternal pride
And everybody sings 'ba ba ba da'
We're going where the air is free
On the National Express there's a jolly hostess
Selling crisps and tea
She'll provide you with drinks and theatrical winks
For a sky-high fee
Mini-skirts were in style when she danced down the aisle
Back in '63 (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
But it's hard to get by when your arse is the size
Of a small country
And everybody sings 'ba ba ba da'
We're going where the air is free
Tomorrow belongs to me
When you're sad and feeling blue
With nothing better to do
Don't just sit there feeling stressed
Take a trip on the National Express, the National Express, let's go
 
Let's up the ante and drag things into the gutter at the same time.

"Should I lie to you, just to get in your pants.....ha....I think so"
 
If I could be anything in the world that flew
I would be a bat and come swooping after you
And if the last time you were here, things were a bit askew
Well, you know what happens after dark
When rattlesnakes loose their skins and their hearts
And all the missionaries loose their bark
All the trees are calling after you
And all the venom snipers after you
Are all the mountains boulder after you
If I could be anything of the things in this world that bite
Instead of being a tethered ocelot on a leash
I'd rather be your kite
And be tied to the end of your string
And flying in the air, babe, at night
Because you know what they say about honey bears
When you shave off all their baby hair
You've got a hairy minded big bare bear
And all the bells are rolling out for you
And stones are all erupting out for you
And all the cheap bloodsuckers are flying after you
Yesterday, Daisy Mae and Biff were grooving down the street
And just like in a movie, her hands became her feet
Her belly button was her mouth
Which meant she tasted what she'd speak
But the funny thing is what happened to her nose
It grew until it reached all of her toes
Now, when people say her feet smell, they mean her nose
And curtains laced with diamonds, dear, for you
And kingdom's Christian sailors (soldiers), dear, for you
And melting ice cap mountains, dear, for you
And knights in flaming silver robes for you
And bats, that with a kiss turn prince for you
Swoop, swoop, oh, baby, rock, rock
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Just bonkers Lou
 
2ManyBoxes said:
One of my 3 claims to rock'n'roll fame is that I used to work with someone who's sister was going out with the lead singer shortly before that song broke. Whether she was the girl in question is not recorded unfortunately :(
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Was the sister called Joan Chitty? Pretty sure John had a thing with her back in the day. There's still always a tense undercurrent when she's around.
 
deebster said:
Well there you go. I've singing cobs for the last 25 years.

And I call myself a fan. Gutted.
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Same here. Big fan and I've bought every HMHB album on day of release since McIntyre Treadmore and Davitt. Played them all to death over the years. Yet when I first found this website....

https://halfmanhalfbiscuit.uk/

....I found there were loads of lyrics I'd been mishearing, despite having listened to them hundreds of times.
 
Ah, that takes me back to before Chris's wonderful site when there was a helpful chap at Probe who replied to my lyrics query letter on 99% of Gargoyles asking about the 'drummer room of Stretford'.

Took him a while he said to work out what I was banging on about but he replied to say it's 'the Krona rumours spread but they didn't tell the bread'.
 
MacArthur Park. The instrumental that Maynard Furgeuson recorded on MF Horn 1 was my intro to this tune and I loved it. Then I heard Donna Summer.....

Spring was never waiting for us, girl
It ran one step ahead
As we followed in the dance
Between the parted pages and were pressed
In love's hot, fevered iron
Like a striped pair of pants

MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no
 
boneman said:
MacArthur Park. The instrumental that Maynard Furgeuson recorded on MF Horn 1 was my intro to this tune and I loved it. Then I heard Donna Summer.....

Spring was never waiting for us, girl
It ran one step ahead
As we followed in the dance
Between the parted pages and were pressed
In love's hot, fevered iron
Like a striped pair of pants

MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no
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You have the 'off-tune, of its time' version, the disco one and here's the 'proggy overdone' take.
 
boneman said:
MacArthur Park. The instrumental that Maynard Furgeuson recorded on MF Horn 1 was my intro to this tune and I loved it. Then I heard Donna Summer.....

Spring was never waiting for us, girl
It ran one step ahead
As we followed in the dance
Between the parted pages and were pressed
In love's hot, fevered iron
Like a striped pair of pants

MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no
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I love that tune, whoever does it.
Wifey hates it.
I have a nice 7" copy of Richard Harris slaying it. Gets a few plays a year. :)

I have the Donna Summer version as well. Marvellous.
 
Big Tabs said:
I love that tune, whoever does it.
Wifey hates it.
I have a nice 7" copy of Richard Harris slaying it. Gets a few plays a year. :)

I have the Donna Summer version as well. Marvellous.
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I love the melody. I've just always found the lyrics comical!
 
There's a great album called 'Songs in the key of Z' which is well worth exploring. Shooby Taylor gives a great performance, Eilert Pilarm is the Elvis impersonator I'd want at my wedding, and the Legendary Stardust Cowboy's 'Standing in a trash can (thinking about you)' is just bonkers. Joe Meek's rough demo of Telstar had a carload of kids screaming with laughter and singing along on the way home from school last summer.
 
Another BB King -How Blue Can You Get - Live at Cook County Jail
I gave you a penthouse you said it was a shack
I gave you seven children and now you wanna give ‘em back
Reaction from the prison crowd is hilarious.

Louis Jordan
“What’s the use of getting sober if you’re gonna get drunk again”

Ian Dury
“There ain’t are half been some clever bastards”

Jonathan Richman
“Pablo Picasso”

Zappa
“Jewish Princess”
 
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