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Lyrics that make you laugh

2ManyBoxes

pfm Member
Country & Western song about divorce (chorus): 'She got the gold mine and I got the shaft"

BB King: 'I think I'll give up living and go shopping instead'

BB King: 'Nobody loves me 'cept my Mother and she might be jiving too'

Both BB King songs have the above as their first line. In the first one he goes on to say that he's looking for a tombstone because 'my baby done left me'. In the second one he says that's why he acts funny when the girl does the things she does.

Made me laugh anyway :D
 
The Sheffield United "greasy chip butty" song to the tune of John Denver's "You fill up my senses" is really funny too, especially the bit where they break out into nah nah-nah nah nah-nah OOOOOOOO :)

And how could I forget Kenneth Williams's absolute masterpiece "Au revoir ma crepes suzette"



Please, no Blaster Bates by order of the OP. Thank you.
 
These are the best/funny B.B.King lyrics.

I was walking down the street at sunrise one morning
In london, england
And there was a very large rolls royce limousine
Pulling slowly along the street
And in that rolls royce was the queen of england
Looking tired
Just got back from a party, and the queen leaned out and
She said: aren´t you b.b. king? she said:
Oh b.b., sometimes it´s so hard to pull things together
Could you tell me what you think i ought to do?
And i said:
 
I got confused I killed a nun
I can't help the way I feel
I lost my bag in Newport Pagnell
 
"...cos pasteurised is best..."

There is only one funny song ever.

I have a nr mint copy of this 7'




You could hear the hoof beats pound
As they raced across the ground
And the clatter of the wheels
As they spun round and round
And he galloped into Market Street
His badge upon his chest
His name was Ernie
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west

Now Ernie loved a widow
A lady known as Sue
She lived all alone in Linley Lane
At number twenty two
They said she was too good for him
She was haughty, proud and chic
But Ernie got his cocoa there
Three times every week
They called him Ernie (Ernie)
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west

She said she'd like to bathe in milk
He said alright sweetheart
And when he finished work one night
He loaded up the cart
He said you wanted pasturised
'Cause pasturised is best
She says Ernie I'll be happy
If it comes up to me chest
And that tickled old Ernie (Ernie)
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west

Now Ernie had a rival
An evil looking man
Called Two Ton Ted from Teddington
And he drove the bakers van
He tempted her with his treacle tarts
And his tasty wholemeal bread
And when she saw the size
Of his hot meat pies
It very near turned her head
She nearly swooned at his macaroon
And he said now if you treat me right
You'll have hot rolls evry morning
And crumpets every night
He knew once she'd sampled his layer cake
He'd have his wicked way
And all Ernie had to offer
Was a pint of milk a day
Poor Ernie (Ernie)
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west

One lunchtime Ted saw Ernie's horse and cart outside her door
It drove him mad to find it was still there at half past four
And as he leaped down from of his van
Hot blood through his veins did course
And he went across to Ernie's cart
And he didnarf kick his horse
Who's name was Trigger (Trigger)
And he pulled the fastest milkcart in the west

Now Ernie rushed out into the street
His goldtop in his hand
He said if you want to marry susie
You'll fight for her like a man
Oh why don't we play cards for her
He sneeringly replied
And just to make it interesting
We'll have a shilling on the side
Now Ernie dragged him from his van
And beneath the blazing sun
They stood there face to face
And Ted went for his bun
But Ernie was to quick
Things didn't go the way ted planned
And a strawberry flavoured youghurt
Sent it spinning from his hand
Now Sue she ran between them
And tried to keep them apart
And Ernie pushed her aside
And a rock cake caught him underneath his heart
And he looked up in pained surprise
As the concrete hardened crust
Of a stale pork pie caught him in the eye
And Ernie bit the dust
Poor Ernie (Ernie)
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west

Ernie was only fifty-two, he didn't want to die
Now he's gone to make deliveries
In that milkround in the sky
Where the customers are angels
And ferocious dogs are banned
And a milkmans life is full of fun
In that fairy dairy land
But a woman's needs are many fold
And Sue she married Ted
But strange things happened on their wedding night
As they lay in their bed
Was that the trees a rustling
Or the hinges of the gate
Or Ernies ghostly goldtop a rattling in their crate
They won't forget Ernie (Ernie)
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west
 
The funniest part of the funniest song...

It's wonderful to feel that I'm doing something for the kids, because I know that the kids and their music are where it's at. The youth of America today is so wonderful . . . And I'm proud to be a part of this gigantic mass deception.

The funniest part of the second funniest song...

Me Auntie she tore up me f***ing poems
She just threw the bastards out.
I can't forgive her 'cause she didn't treat me like a f***ing genius.
Look, you bastards, I'm a genius!
Like Shakespeare and Beethoven and Van Gogh.
Don't you DARE criticize my work!
 
Loudon Wainwright III - Thanksgiving


Lord every year we gather here
To eat around this table
Give us the strength to stomach as much
As fast as we are able
Bless this food to our use
Though communication's useless
Don't let me drink too much wine
Lord you know how I get ruthless
Let us somehow get through this meal
Without that bad old feeling
With history and memory
And home cooking we're dealing
Remind us that we are all grown up
Adults, no longer children
Now it's our kids that spill the milk
And our turn to want to kill them
I look around and recognize
A sister and a brother
We rarely see our parents now
We hardly see each other
On this auspicious occasion
This special family dinner
If I argue with a loved one, Lord
Please make me... the winner...
 
Gordon is a moron etc etc Jilted John

One of my 3 claims to rock'n'roll fame is that I used to work with someone who's sister was going out with the lead singer shortly before that song broke. Whether she was the girl in question is not recorded unfortunately :(
 
That was it. Very strange line in an otherwise otherwise pretty understandable song, for Talking Heads that is. I've no idea what the significance of the underground water is though:)
 


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