advertisement


Kids at uni - how did you help?

I went to Newcastle Poly in the good old days of the early 80s when your fees were paid, and you got a local authority grant to live on, but it was means tested. My dad was a lorry driver, having retired at 55 from 27 years in the fire service. His income was such that he was due to make a contribution, about 15 or 20 %. I had a mate who's dad owned a clothing factory, and his mum owned a restaurant, and the accountants managed to fiddle it such that he got the full grant! The full grant equated to around £50/week for term time, but housing costs were very low (especially in year 2, when I lived in a very ropey shared house for 7 quid or so a week that made the house in "The Young Ones" look like a palace!).

My mum used to give me a few quid when I was home, but I never worked during the academic year, but during the summer holidays my dad expected a contribution for my bed and board (he didn't need it, but thought I needed to learn how money works), so I would always get a summer job of some sort.
When I finished at the poly, he gave it all back to me.

Probably not much help to you, but that is how it was for me.
 
I came round to realising that my kids' mental health, whilst at uni/college, was my primary focus. It's a tough time for kids, the early twenties/late teens.
My son needed to be encouraged to seek support, ask for help, seek clarification whenever the course work became confusing or difficult, rather than suffer in silence and become overwhelmed. Also encouraged them to call us whenever they wanted. We also had a standing arrangement that we would cover the train fare home at any point in the term, if they wanted to come home for a weekend or even overnight, just to get a hug and some sympathy. Always "glad" to have them return home for a feed (even when it didn't really suit us).

The money thing is tricky to gauge. I saved money, intending to give them a pile when they started uni. But then I decided "No, let them spend the govt.'s money ( student loan) and I will dole out support payments when needed or asked" If I'd been handed a couple of grand as a student, it would immediately have been spent on a motorbike and beer.
They are supposed to be on "full-time" courses, so in theory have no time for a job. And some uni's even state this explicitly. In the real world, it is good for them to learn the value of money and the only way to do that is to work for it.
Having said that, be wary of exploitative jobs "zero-hours" that knacker them and encroach on study time. My son ended up as a "manager" in a fast-food franchise, opening up at 5pm and closing the place at 3am, from Friday to Sunday. He couldn't sleep when he got home and often just stayed awake until morning. This messed up his sleep patterns and made hime miserable and irritable, interfering with course work.

I send him £25 every Monday (not Friday!) to make sure he can always buy some groceries. I'm not sure if he needs this or not ( I could certainly use it myself) but it reassures me and gives him a small safety net. I've bunged him a grand a couple of times when I've felt he was becoming anxious about money (e.g. moving flat and having lots of bills/deposit to pay, buying a season ticket for bus travel) I've also sent "food parcels" in the shape of mail order pies/yummies just as a morale booster.

Depending on your kid's confidence/background, it can knock their confidence in firsts year to be surrounded by hooray henry types with their trust funds, nice cars, posh accents, loud voices and confident mannerisms. They will eventually learn that these people are no smarter or better than they are and are usually just as anxious and insecure.

Like all parenting, its a stumble in the dark. There's no guide map or single "right way". Make sure they know they are loved, valued and supported.
 
JTC said:
I could but there's no incentive to pay up-front; instead, it's 9 or 10 monthly payments...
Click to expand...
I stripped most of the pages out of the guarantor's contract, signed and sent them back only the first and last pages. They never noticed. A nasty, tax-haven off-shore, anonymous, P.O.-box-in-London outfit. Not sure if it would have made any difference in the event of a claim, but it made me feel better.
 
Similar to above - I augmented the maintenance loan such that Jess had to mind her own budget BUT could be free to enjoy things a bit. Very specifically - not have to work a part-time job a day a week at the same time. Effectively - and this was the 'deal' - I fully supported a day a week as space to pursue her own interests, instead of her needing the inevitable dull low-pay gig. This, so J could make the most of the Uni extra-curricular experience - and she did! I'm immensely proud of some of the activity/activism, J got involved in, and later led; and we supported pro-rata.

Jess attained an excellent Degree - but, note - it was everything else J had been involved-in, that immediately opened doors afterwards. And never looked back.

That was the baseline; study trips, accidents and incidentals, also, bank of Dad, no question ;)

PS I fully -endorse @wulbert 's angle above; and the concerns highlighted, lay behind what I've just posted (which is a decade ago) to ensure there was enough 'space'. It worked, for Us.
 
Last edited:
FYI the deadline for student finance applications is 17th May.

Down here everyone qualifies for the tuition fees (£9k) and a tapering £4-9k depending on family income, most will be on the £4k.

Daughter did hers, takes about 1/2 an hour. No bother. Very easy.

It’s comparatively ‘cheap’ money and the interest rate is at the moment well below a commercial lending rate. The repayment schedule effectively makes it a smallish graduate tax until it’s paid down.

If you indulge me a personal opinion, given the amount of money being invested into the education I don’t think encouraging taking up a student job is at all a good idea, surely it has to be concentrating on study. My daughter’s uni specifically prohibits taking up a student job of any kind. Have to say I’m with em on that. I worked through St Andrews as a taxi driver and a school cleaner. I did enjoy it but it massively distracts.

Recommend taking out the max, helps to have something on his own name to concentrate the mind.

Wouldn’t recommend a term time job.

If he smashes the degree and gets a great job you can always pay off the loan for him..?

Just my 2p

Where’s he going?! And, congratulations 🎉
 
I always transferred the money I gave to my daughter on a Monday so that she’d always have enough money for food. That way she could only spend what she had left at weekends rather than potentially splurge the lot on booze in one night. Thankfully she only spent one year in halls and commuted for the rest of the course from home. I paid for the halls, her commute and her course fees. However she got a Saturday job at the local building society for the last couple of years of her course and then went onto work full-time for the building society. And no, she didn’t end up doing anything related to what she did her degree in.
 
Beyond the money side (both my daughters have full loans to deal with), taxi/removals whenever needed, an 'escape' for a weekend whenever needed, on the phone whenever needed.
The emphasis being on whenever needed.
 
JTC said:
My eldest goes to uni later this year. I just signed as guarantor on his halls, not small change either. This got me to thinking, how did others structure the ways in which they supported their kids through uni or college?

My current plan was to simply cover all his costs, but then I wondered if that's teaching him the right lessons and/or instilling the benefits of frugality and budgeting. We're lucky we can do this but I don't want him to take us for granted. But - equally - I don't want to be mean about it. Presumably he qualifies for some sort of student loan, and up here his fees are covered by the government, so it's basically rent and living costs (and beer, don't forget about the beer....). He's minded to maybe get a lifeguarding job at a local pool up there, but I'm worried that that would be a distraction from studies, at least in his first year.

Beyond the money side, what other assistance would be useful? I'm always available for him to talk to, and we're not so far away that he can't come home on weekends etc. Just want to do the right thing, keep him safe, focused and supported without spoiling him too much....
Click to expand...
It's a very good question. I'm still not sure what the best thing to do is. I never had a term-time job myself when I was studying, but then my course ran from 9.30am to 4pm every week day. Much higher education nowadays seems to have them in actual lectures only 20% of the working week. My kids got bored with all the free "study time"

If I pumped enough money to live on comfortably to my son, he would probably relax in his flat quite happily most of the time he's not on campus. For him, a part-time student job is a good grounding in the real world and a motivator to get a qualification towards a decently-paid career, having experienced the reality of low-paid shift work. It's also good for his confidence and maturity. My daughter was the opposite: perpetual motion and always hunting opportunity for advancement and entertainment. Horses for courses. They are all different.

I might need to review my approach when his workload increases in 3rd year and beyond (fingers crossed!).
 
We paid our son’s rent & he just about managed with the maintenance loan. In his final year we have him £100 a week top up. When he did post grad law we had to cover his living expenses, rent & course fees shortfall. All in all about £20k

My daughter is about to in September, probably Nottingham & full board in halls is just £10k, no idea how less fortunate families cope. She does have quite a bit of cash saved up & may end up getting part time job.

Whatever you do, just try to let them enjoy the experience & support financially as much as you can.
 
bigjonny said:
We paid for their accommodation, they lived on the bit of the student loan that wasn’t uni fees.
Click to expand...

that’s what we did. Sensible student digs working out about 600 a month . She has a part time hospitality job to help spread her loan out .
 
It's a tricky one. If you help pay for stuff, the received wisdom is they won't appreciate the value of money, but frankly, the alternative is for them to be saddled with debt for years to come, so the lesson is only learnt retrospectively (they end up regretting the debt they now have).

We went the first route, paying our son's fees, and giving him a (small) monthly allowance. He worked through uni, lived at home for much of it to reduce his costs, and graduated without debt. Given his chosen career is not well paid (he works in live sound and field recording) or certainly not well paid until he's grown a reputation, I think this is a reasonable route. Obviously if your child is studying to be a lawyer/architect/etc, where they are likely to land a well paid job, and so be able to pay off a student loan the calculation is likely to be different.
 
My eldest studied at Nottingham Trent and was very careful with her finances, and the rent vs student finance was just about manageable so we were just giving her (iirc) £35 extra a week to help cover some of the food costs and that was it. She had savings from a year working before she went so was able to deal with deposits etc. Unfortunately she also had to deal with the bloody pandemic which blighted almost her entire time there.
My youngest is studying at Bristol Uni and the rent is much higher so we're giving her £80 a week and have provided whatever deposits have been needed. I'm on a pretty average income and my other half only works part time so unlike some on here we're not really in a position to simply pay all her rent for her, so although this is her final year she took on a part time job in a shop. This has provided her with a decent extra bit of income to raise her standard of living and do things she would otherwise not be able to do. Obviously this worries me as it eats up serious time when she should be studying, but on the other hand I think the job has given her a large confidence boost and she's been offered an assistant manager position for when she finishes her degree. Obviously I'd still rather she didn't need to work, but she'd be even further in debt without it. What a wonderful system it is eh?
 
Jamie said:
I went to Newcastle Poly in the good old days of the early 80s when your fees were paid, and you got a local authority grant to live on, but it was means tested. My dad was a lorry driver, having retired at 55 from 27 years in the fire service. His income was such that he was due to make a contribution, about 15 or 20 %. I had a mate who's dad owned a clothing factory, and his mum owned a restaurant, and the accountants managed to fiddle it such that he got the full grant! The full grant equated to around £50/week for term time, but housing costs were very low (especially in year 2, when I lived in a very ropey shared house for 7 quid or so a week that made the house in "The Young Ones" look like a palace!).

My mum used to give me a few quid when I was home, but I never worked during the academic year, but during the summer holidays my dad expected a contribution for my bed and board (he didn't need it, but thought I needed to learn how money works), so I would always get a summer job of some sort.
When I finished at the poly, he gave it all back to me.

Probably not much help to you, but that is how it was for me.
Click to expand...

I went to the place across the road from there in the late 70s. University Richardson Road flats were an eye watering £100 per term so the next year 6 of us privately rented a dump at £425 for the year in Benwell. Full grant plus holiday work and a generous bank manager was just about enough.
 
Thanks everyone, really flattered by your detailed responses. His field is computer art, largely in the games industry (although with opportunities in film etc.); whether that leads to a well-paid career or not depends on dedication and a bit of luck as much as anything, though it's a huge sector these days and the uni has an international reputation as a provider of talent to the industry and deep links to major players. So it's not as 'airy fairy' a course as it sounds.

We'll definitely cover digs and food, and I'm tempted to also cover what he might otherwise borrow as a loan, seeing as that carries a 6.25% interest rate whereas the bank of M&D is interest free ;). Better he repay us when he can than end up with increasing debt, even if there is the possibility he'll never repay us - that's a risk we have to accept.

Still torn on the job side: on one hand, it'd teach him about self-sufficiency and the value of putting in honest labour; on the other, it has to be worth the hassle, and I'm still wary of the impact it might have on his studies. I'm secretly hoping one of his course projects will spin off to be a major thing and they form a company and he becomes rich enough to keep me in vinyl in my old age. But I'll settle for his securing holiday work.
Also, I think a couple of you mentioned the 'paying his train fare home' at any point thing - great idea. He's an hour from home by train, and he will always have a hot meal, warm bed and the trappings of home available to him if it's needed....
 
Worrying about the level of student loan 'debt' is rather pointless. It can seem to be a large sum of money (Doctors in training are up over £100K!) BUT BUT what you pay back is only related to your income when you are working. It may never pay back the loan, and in most cases it won't and the loan will eventually expire.

So you might as well get the loans and not worry. IF when the kids are working they struggle to pay the £100 or £200 loan repayment element of the pay slip - then you can help with that. A friend of mine dipped into his savings and paid off the entire student loans of his kids - pointless waste of money - should have given the sum to them to help get a deposit together for a house.
 
JensenHealey said:
Worrying about the level of student loan 'debt' is rather pointless. It can seem to be a large sum of money (Doctors in training are up over £100K!) BUT BUT what you pay back is only related to your income when you are working. It may never pay back the loan, and in most cases it won't and the loan will eventually expire.

So you might as well get the loans and not worry. IF when the kids are working they struggle to pay the £100 or £200 loan repayment element of the pay slip - then you can help with that. A friend of mine dipped into his savings and paid off the entire student loans of his kids - pointless waste of money - should have given the sum to them to help get a deposit together for a house.
Click to expand...
Spot on and exactly what we did. We gave two of ours help towards their house deposit rather than pay off any student loan.
 
bigjonny said:
We paid for their accommodation, they lived on the bit of the student loan that wasn’t uni fees.
Click to expand...
That's what we do too. We currently pay £450/month for the rent in private digs in Liverpool. My daughter is house-sharing with 5 other students. It's cheaper than the Halls of residence but Halls are good for first year to establish contacts and just make life that little bit easier in unfamiliar territory that 1st year.
She seems to get by on her student loan herself for food/drinks/going out and during term breaks, we will pay for her rail fair to/from home. She does work in summer holidays as well to supplement her income.
 
Yes paid rent for both daughters one in Paris (ouch!) and the other in Brighton (even more ouch than Paris!) the Paris daughter has finished though we paid her rent for another year and she now has a great job (financially independent!) there, and has got through the first stage of gaining citizenship (her master plan). Younger daughter still studying in Brighton....they have free reign of Spotify and ordering toiletries/make-up and such like from our Amazon prime account....soon we will be free??
 
You must log in or register to reply here.


advertisement


Back
Top