The Children Poll
- Thread starter cutting42
- Start date
Joe Hutch
Mate of the bloke
I think so. Parental love is (or should be) unconditional. Children's love for their parent can, and does, increase and decrease. I went through a phase when I could hardly bear to be in the same room as my father.
I liked this US quote about parents: 'Honour thy father and mother. They probably did their best.'
manicatel
pfm Member
Totally agree that it’s not a matter of right/wrong, good/bad etc.
There’s been a fair few times I’ve been jealous of friends who don’t have kids, lack of clutter, stress, expense, noise, hassle, more freedom to be flexible with holidays etc, you name it. No one ever said raising kids was easy or without its compromises. It is frequently damned hard selfless work, certainly not all fun.
I had a “good run” before we became parents, travelling the world, I was in a semi-pro band & enjoyed all that entailed. A lot of which would be irresponsible if I was trying to be a decent parent shall we say.
It’s a lifestyle choice for some, others cannot conceive even if they want to. Adoption is certainly no easy route either.
Hopefully people make the most of their lives in a positive way, which ever route they take.
richardg
Admonishtrator
Where's your empathy when saying you dislike children, thereby telling me you would dislike mine?
cj66
pfm Member
Why must having or not having children generally be better either way?
We are all different with disperate expectations from and contributions to life.
If you choose to have kids, enjoy them. If you choose to not have kids enjoy that.
It's only when the opposite to your desire occurs that there's a dissatisfaction ( for want of a better, more sympathetic word).
I know one couple who would dearly love to have had their own but can't. They find great joy in their very involved aunt and uncle roll of half a dozen kids and have their own dogs.
We are all different with disperate expectations from and contributions to life.
If you choose to have kids, enjoy them. If you choose to not have kids enjoy that.
It's only when the opposite to your desire occurs that there's a dissatisfaction ( for want of a better, more sympathetic word).
I know one couple who would dearly love to have had their own but can't. They find great joy in their very involved aunt and uncle roll of half a dozen kids and have their own dogs.
blossomchris
I feel better than James Brown
I
It does in my book, what goes against the grain is saying without them is better. How can anyone possible know if you have not experienced both
which in this case is impossible
Bloss
It does in my book, what goes against the grain is saying without them is better. How can anyone possible know if you have not experienced both
which in this case is impossible
Bloss
Bob McC
Living the life of Riley
Without a doubt.
I loathed my father until well after I left home and was married.
I then tolerated him until he was in his dotage when I felt sorry for the demons that drove him. Both my parents are dead now. I have not missed them one jot.
I would however lay down my life for any of my children even though I am sure they think I am a curmudgeon.
blossomchris
I feel better than James Brown
cooky1257
pfm Member
Yes, their fatalistic but jokey response is "Yeah thanks Dad" and as I previously posted 2 of my 3 have decided against having kids.
richardg
Admonishtrator
Grandparents and their grandchildren have a common enemy.
gassor
There may be more posts after this.
When you compare parents and grandparents eg at a supermarket you get the picture. Parents are often rushing about telling kids to get a move on, grandparents are more relaxed, "So which pudding do you want to choose for your sweet?"
cj66
pfm Member
If you read my post again you'll find I agreed with you AND made the point that the opposite also applies. Either can only be "better" in the view of the one who has chosen. The opposite view then no longer applies to that person.
i.e. someone with children cannot tell someone without children that "with" is better.
Likewise someone without children can't tell someone with children that "without" is better.
It's totally meaningless.
lagavullin10y
pfm Member
4 kids. No 1 is eleven, no 4 is 2 and the others are in between. It is our first year that we see things truly going well. We did an odd thing: they go to different schools suited for their needs.
Number 1 studies Leon Boelmanns Toccata currently and my daughter has taught herself Amelie on piano and she plays it well. She also plays the French Horn.
Forget hifi, when your kid is playing on a real and good instrument, nothing can come close.
Number 1 studies Leon Boelmanns Toccata currently and my daughter has taught herself Amelie on piano and she plays it well. She also plays the French Horn.
Forget hifi, when your kid is playing on a real and good instrument, nothing can come close.
jtrade
pfm Member
I also feel I've lived both lives.
Like many who went off on the spiritual trail to the East in the 70s, staying in monasteries and ashrams - for 3 years in my case - but then returning to what we called "The West" and eventually co-founding a successful small business, I was completely clear that I did not want children in this life. The dharma - spiritual life - came first & having ended up living in the ashram of the infamous Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh in Poona, a life of worldly "celebration" a la "Zorba the Buddha" was not seen to contradict this (I'm chuckling away to myself as I write
). I spent the next 20 years working and playing hard in London, going out with a stream of gorgeous women, yet meditating every day and never settling down in a relationship for more than 2 years. In 1996, I sold up and moved, after some 2 - 3 years globetrotting, to Italy, where I lived on the top floor of a 1920s palazzo with stunning views from its two terraces over the sea, my navy blue 911 C4 cabriolet parked in the drive. It was a wonderful, but I would now say selfish & arrogant, life (I do not mean to say that those who choose not to have children are necessarily selfish and arrogant).In early 2000, I made a trip to Australia and on the way back stopped off in India for a week to visit old friends (most of whom are childless) who still spend their winters at the same ashram. The first day, I met a very attractive, much younger German girl with a lovely smile and very beguiling laugh, & we had a very sweet one week holiday romance, full of laughter and, ahem, "yoga". We are very different people and neither of us intended the relationship to last longer than that week.
6 weeks later she called in a distressed state to tell me she was pregnant. I was shocked, as was she : it was a failure of contraception and not what either of us wanted or intended. We knew what different people we were, and beyond that hardly knew each other : our relationship began the day our daughter, India, was born, just over 19 years ago. We stayed together 15 years and the best thing I can say about my ex-wife is that if I had met her when I was 38 instead of 48 I would have liked to have had 4 children with her (I notice she rolls her eyeballs when I say this) ! For me, parenthood has been a wonderful blessing for which I am so very grateful : total stress on the one hand, but an otherwise unknowable joy on the other.
Sorry for the long post, I got a bit carried away !
gintonic
50 shades of grey pussy cats
I'm afraid to tell you that empathy has no relationship to dislike. I dislike you from your posts on here, but I can emphasize with you running a business single handed.