Really, so much depends on budget.
I'm trying pre-amps at the moment, and I feel that true cutting edge pre-amps aren't cheap.. but when was the best of anything cheap?
Merlin's Vibe/Pulse is about as good as you get for its second hand value.
There are a couple of valve pre-amps I'd be interested in hearing - such as the coincident technologies statement pre - but in actuality, I don't see the purpose of using valves in a pre-amp; in terms of an engineering decision, what benefit is brought? Valve degredation, mismatching between valves, background silence of a pre - all for me personally point to solid state.
Another interesting looking pre is the latest DNM pre-amp. At approx 6-7k, there's a premium for it, and I haven't seen any used.
Markus - you mention ARC. To my ears compared to something like a Tom Evans or similar there is a definate sonic signature to them..although there are so many ARC pre-amps out there.. do you want that from a pre?
Seems like you're making a lot of compromises to get a balanced connection in your purchases. Are you sure this is going to make a significant difference to the audio quality you're hearing?
Cables such as these are readily available and can be made from expensive cable if you want...
http://www.djstore.com/item/procabl68.htm
Passive? - I've played with them a lot. I normally have one somewhere at home. System matching is key with them, absolutely key. Its nice to have one as a spare for me, especially if you end up with something with valves in. Something bullet-proof is always nice. Why anyone would pay thousands for a passive is another question.. I certainly wouldn't, I think its an easy and simple DIY choice.