... the front rim rattles really loudly and irritatingly, a loose bit of metal in there somehow, right at the opposite side to the valve hole so I'll never shake it out. ...
My rear wheel developed an enormously irritating click - which went away with speed. Most of my points are made above - it took a while to find the original e-mail.
Rohloff (I thought it was a Speedhub fault) were most helpful:
'You haven't mentioned which gears this noise is occurring in, nor whether or not this occurs when pedalling, coasting, forwards or in reverse. I am guessing however from past experience that this type of problem happens in all gears in all directions when the wheel is rotating and only disappears when the rotation speeds up or when the wheel refrains from rotating. Please inform me whether I am wrong with this presumption. If not then the problem is most likely nothing actually to do with the SPEEDHUB itself.
My guess (and past complaints similar to yours) turn out to be a problem with the rim and/or spoke nipples. The usual cause of such a problem is when a spoke nipple breaks off. This slides up and down the spoke itself and so clicks twice with every wheel rotation - once at the top and once at the bottom).
When the wheel rotates faster, the centrifugal force holds the broken spoke nipple in the outer most position and hinders this from sliding up or down and creating the noises that you mentioned.
Please check that all the rear wheels spoke nipples are correct and nor broken or missing. Replace if necessary.
The other cause of such a problem is that a nipple or
a part of the rim joining pin (or other foreign bodies or aluminium fragments) have fallen into the hollow area of the rim and move about at low rotation speeds causing these clicking noises. Again, at high RPMs, these objects get stuck in one position due to the centrifugal forces and will stop making these noises.
Please remove the wheel from the bicycle in this case, remove the tyre and shake the wheel to hear if the noise is present and to hopefully shake out any foreign objects that may have got caught. Refit the tyre and the wheel and see if the noise has gone. I believe that your wheel should then be silent. If not then please simply get back in touch and I will see what I can do.'
I can't recall how but I introduced some (super) glue and managed to lock the fragment to the rim - in my case it appeared to be, in part, a weight to counterbalance the inevitable valve opposite.
If you've just bought - it shouldn't be your problem but self-solution may be less hassle than return.