The Evil Grandad Thread

[rubycat]

I have told my grandkids that their birthdays would be a day later this year due to the leap year extra day.
We have all done this so lets hear them, spread the joy.

Lets get the classic 'ice cream van only plays a tune whem its run out' out of the way.

 

[Pravda]

Wish I'd thought of that

 

[blossomchris]

sheep have 2 legs longer than the others so they can graze on steep hills without falling over

 

[boon]

How about…”grandad why is that sheep black and the others are white” that’s because when the black fades the farmer knows it’s time to move the flock to another field as all the goodness has gone out of the grass.

 

[stevec67]

sheep have 2 legs longer than the others so they can graze on steep hills without falling over

That's the haggis.

 

[graystoke4]

Yup haggis, you beat me to it,

 

[Tony Lockhart]

Funniest moment of the day for me at the falconry centre yesterday was this other visitor going on and on about how he loves the peregrine most because it gave its name to his favourite motorbike. So I said “What, Colin?”

He frowned.

 

[Big Tabs]

I trained the Granddaughters to call me Lord G-Dad since when they could talk. It sounded so formal from a 4 yr old.
Sometimes they would shorten it to just ‘Lord.’
Made me hoot.
Parents just eye rolled.
Wife didn’t protest until the G-Kids used it constantly.



One of my Granddaughters spent about a year when she was young pretending to be a dog called ‘Scamp.’
This would wind her Mother (our Daughter) up instantly- which made us Grandparents laugh like criminals.
The child would remain in dog character to the point were her mother was shouty and finger waggy.
Obviously years later I celebrate Scamp with the G-Kid, and use it to remind The Daughter of the delights of children.

 

[martin clark]

 

[Marchbanks]

I have a hunch Evil Grandad could well be my métier. If anyone hears of a vacancy I would appreciate being told.

 

[MarkW]

Of course there's the other classic:

"Grandad, what's that thing in the corner of the room - it lights up red sometimes?"
"Oh those are Santa cameras, they light up when Santa's checking in to make sure you're behaving nicely..."

 

[Pravda]

I remember my gran, telling me about someone called God, and how he could see everything that I did.

 

[Bart]

Grandad, why do railway tracks got narrower as you look along them into the distance, doesn’t it cause a problem for the trains?
No dear boy, you see the train gets smaller and smaller as it goes along so it always fits the tracks.
(Not evil though)

 

[Big Tabs]

Of course there's the other classic:

"Grandad, what's that thing in the corner of the room - it lights up red sometimes?"
"Oh those are Santa cameras, they light up when Santa's checking in to make sure you're behaving nicely..."

we did that. “Santa Claus is watching…”

 

[rubycat]

Thank you all for the input, you lot are far to nice.

5 year old playing up and being naughty as mum and dad had already ordered her new bike for her birthday,
Ah said I you know childrens bikes dont come with any wheels, the man at Halfords has to ask them if you have been good before he fits them.

We were watching an old black and white film on 'Talking Pictures channel' when the gKids walked in, why did they make films in b/w they asked.
Why because everything in real life was only b/w, before about 1940 when Kodak invented colour, go google it.

 

[Ian Sampson]