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It’s Chrrrist-masssss (already)

Marchbanks

Hat and Beard member
Recently I’ve seen any number of pubs in my area beseeching me to Book Early For Christmas. Early is the operative word - according to my diary there is still two-and-a-half months to go. In town today I saw Santa smiling from posters in WH Smith and Argos, two-for-one on Christmas toys in Morrisons and fully illuminated artificial trees, fairy lights, tinsel and herds of fluffy reindeer in a department store.

Has the Baby Jesus begun to feel under threat from Halloween and Black Friday and launched a pre-emptive strike? Or is it a carefully organised campaign by the Ministry of Propaganda to distract us proles’ attention from the bad times that are just around the corner (unless you run a hedge fund?)

I fear that if I hear the bloody Pogues groaning over the PA in Tesco before the end of the month I may not be responsible for my actions.

Have you noticed how the Christmas rants start earlier every year?
 
Now this reminds me: can we restart the Christmas Wine thread yet ? I suspect we'll need a happy thread soon.
 
at work we have just tried to book our usual venue for xmas lunch, and it is fully booked...........
 
Now this reminds me: can we restart the Christmas Wine thread yet ? I suspect we'll need a happy thread soon.
Never mind the Xmas wine thread - need a daily booze thread first:(
 
I just went past my next door neighbour but one.
They’ve got a five foot snowman in their porch already...
 
Here’s an idea, use what you would have spent on an Xma$ office dinner and donate the money to a homeless charity, then invite everyone to bring in pot-luck.

(a) not my money I am spending, and (b) I have no power to donate it to charity.
 
There's been mince pies at side of the till in my local Co-op since end of Sept. Cretins.

I love mince pies at any time of year and indeed my mother would make them all year round though not all that often, or even often enough for my taste.

As for Christmas itself, it is a compelete nonsense except for the religiously devout. I have volunteered to work any shift at work that other want to avoid for Christmas reasons. It will be quiet as the grave, but that its alright.

Best wishes from George
 
We should ban Christmas.

No, no, wait - I've got it. We should vote marginally to remain in the EU, and then get the EU to ban Xmas. Partially because of respecting multiculturalism over aboriginal culture. But mostly because of the number of additional deaths in this period dues to alcoholism, depression, excessive partying etc. We should get the EU to ban Christmas because of, wait for it, HEALTH AND SAFETY!

Then watch the offices of The Daily Heil spontaneously combust.
 
The second nearest shop near me that sells things you might actually need (i.e. excluding the five hairdressers, nail salons, Bet Fred, Pack and Send) is a Tesco Express. It is the anti-Tardis. It looks quite big from the outside, but within there is no space to swing a rat, never mind a cat. Despite this they have somehow made room for a couple of pallets of Cadburys' tins by the door.

Now to get from the checkouts to the door you have to squeeze so tightly down that some of you actually temporarily enter a parallel universe in order to get through. Hopefully one assumes that what you get back is still genetically you. And that the universe in question has no Tesco Express of its own, or predators who are adapting to live on small pieces of Tesco customers.
 
Corporate bookings for Xmas parties need to be considered in August. I know its nuts, but seriously - or your choice will be limited. Our date has been in the diary for quite a while now.
 


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