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A thread to catalogue the eloquence, dignity, diplomacy and wisdom of Boris Johnson III

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miktec said:
Good to hear today that the a..wipe pretend Govt are united in their response to the utter chaos visited on potential holiday makers ..

"All the fault of the incompetent travel industry innit"

... at least we are now free to buy absurdly over-powered vacuum cleaners again....
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What's this, another Brexit bonus? Nice to fleece you, to fleece you, nice!
 
Joe Hutch said:
That’s probably the only reason we have a Queen, whose responsibility it is, post-election, to call upon the leader of the largest Party in the Commons to form a Government. If Boris refuses to go, she can have him locked in the Tower.
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Yes it’s easy to forget Johnson is not actually head of state. Although I wouldn’t put it past him to put a bid in when Brenda goes
 
Joe Hutch said:
Marina Hyde in the Graun:

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/may/31/pounds-ounces-pints-boris-johnson-gibberish

'Speaking of matters domestic, though, let’s turn to accounts of Mr and Mrs Johnson’s “chaotic” stewardship of Chequers, the prime minister’s country retreat. Carrie’s chatelaine skills are called particularly into question, with the Times reporting some kind of character clash with the former housekeeper, which the prime minister’s wife denies. There seem to have been disciplinary proceedings against this housekeeper, though these were subsequently dropped and she left with a payoff and an NDA in 2020. Mesmerisingly, it all seems to have hinged on her alleged “inappropriate handling of a personal item” found in Boris Johnson’s bathroom, which she denied. According to the Times, “the nature of the item is unknown”. So … I’ll leave it with your subconscious.'
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Hope she was wearing rubber gloves, poor woman….I’ve got it! Carrie came in and caught her cleaning the messy lavatory bowl with his electric toothbrush.
 
Carrie Antoinette is conspicuously absent at the moment, and Johnson has had a bit of a spat with Zac Goldsmith…

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One hopes our esteemed leader hasn’t been replaced by a younger, thinner, richer, better looking model. That would be quite the irony.
 
Rob998 said:
Carrie Antoinette is conspicuously absent at the moment, and Johnson has had a bit of a spat with Zac Goldsmith…

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One hopes our esteemed leader hasn’t been replaced by a younger, thinner, richer, better looking model. That would be quite the irony.
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It’s usually Boris who moves on to a new model ( on the sly).
 
Kirk said:
Another own goal:

Tories loyal to Boris brand rebel MPs "self indulgent-narcissists"
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A good old civil war in the Tory Party is what’s needed, while voters sink under the biggest fall in living standards in half a century. As with Brexit, it’s all about survival of the Tories. More eye catching bullshit from Boris, Mogg, Nad and Priti as traditional riot season approaches.
 
TheDecameron said:
A good old civil war in the Tory Party is what’s needed, while voters sink under the biggest fall in living standards in half a century. As with Brexit, it’s all about survival of the Tories. More eye catching bullshit from Boris, Mogg, Nad and Priti as traditional riot season approaches.
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Quite enjoyed Nadine's clear-eyed, fact-based contribution:

“There is obviously, I think probably led by one or two individuals, a campaign behind the scenes to try attempt to remove the prime minister for individual reasons to do with personal ambition and other reasons,” the culture secretary said on Wednesday.

But asked by to BBC Radio 4 who the ringleader were, the close ally of Johnson said: “I have no idea.” She added: “There is obviously a coordinated campaign.”
 
Kirk said:
Quite enjoyed Nadine's clear-eyed, fact-based contribution:

“There is obviously, I think probably led by one or two individuals, a campaign behind the scenes to try attempt to remove the prime minister for individual reasons to do with personal ambition and other reasons,” the culture secretary said on Wednesday.

But asked by to BBC Radio 4 who the ringleader were, the close ally of Johnson said: “I have no idea.” She added: “There is obviously a coordinated campaign.”
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Yes, it was lovely slow-motion carnage.
 
Kirk said:
Quite enjoyed Nadine's clear-eyed, fact-based contribution:

“There is obviously, I think probably led by one or two individuals, a campaign behind the scenes to try attempt to remove the prime minister for individual reasons to do with personal ambition and other reasons,” the culture secretary said on Wednesday.

But asked by to BBC Radio 4 who the ringleader were, the close ally of Johnson said: “I have no idea.” She added: “There is obviously a coordinated campaign.”
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The Culture Secretary there, crossing the eyes and dotting the ‘t’s,

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“I have no idea”. Quite.
 
Rob998 said:
I’m sure The Secretary Of State for Culture, Media and Sport will be on hand to provide emotional support…

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Nadina Turner?

Well now, when you were a young boy
Did you have a puppy?
That always followed you 'round, 'round, 'round
'Round, 'round, 'round
Well, I'm gonna be as faithful as that puppy
And no, I ain't never gonna let you down

'Cause it goes on and on like a river flows
Lord, it gets sweeter, sweeter, sweeter, and heaven knows
And it gets sweeter, baby, oh, as it grows

And do I love you, my oh my
Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord (river deep Lord, mountain high)
I wanna tell you that if I ever, ever, ever, ever lost you would I cry
Oh, I love you baby (baby, baby, baby)
 
I see The Times leader is critical again, but still on the fence. Presumably Rupert hasn't made up his mind who the replacement should be.
 
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