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Son breaking up with girlfriend of 5 years

Sloop John B

And any old music will do…
Just got a text earlier saying that they’d broken up and he was coming back up from their holiday on the train.

They have being living in a flat together for the past 6 months. He’s 26.

I’ve no details but I’m just wondering if there is any mistakes I’d be better off not making.

I realise I have the perspective of years but 5 years are such a big part of his adult life.

Any suggestions on the best ways to support him?

obviously I’ll have a better idea when I talk to him and find out what actually happened but it’s a bit of a surprise they were only both here during the week and all seemed well.

.sjb
 
I know he's your kid, but at 26 he's a big boy, can look after himself, and going to have worse troubles in the future, even if he doesn't see it today.

Be there for the emotional and practical support if he asks for it, be there as listening and understanding ear if he wants to talk. If he doesn't ask, remind him you're there if he wants, but don't push it.

If all else fails, talk 'blokey' stuff, unrelated to the problem. It'll take his mind off it.
 
I got divorced at 27, I didn't want advise from my parents, I just wanted them to be themselves and have my back. We don't know your son's personality but I'd let him set the agenda. If it looks like there's a chance of getting back together don't go to town on the GF's bad points!

Cheers BB
 
I know he's your kid, but at 26 he's a big boy, can look after himself, and going to have worse troubles in the future, even if he doesn't see it today.

I know two people who completely lost their marbles when they split up from their partners. Auntie Janet sees ghosts and thinks the mafia are constantly chasing her. She was completely normal before. A local guy had a good job and a wife, she left him, and he lives/lived (haven't seen him for years) like a tramp.

A few others I know about who committed suicide over a girlfriend leaving them.
 
I know two people who completely lost their marbles when they split up from their partners. Auntie Janet sees ghosts and thinks the mafia are constantly chasing her. She was completely normal before. A local guy had a good job and a wife, she left him, and he lives/lived (haven't seen him for years) like a tramp.

A few others I know about who committed suicide over a girlfriend leaving them.

The OP needs to keep a weather eye on his son's wellbeing; the above are all tragic in their own way but I suggest that they are extreme and rare consequences of a split.
 
Not saying you won't do any of these but:

Don't judge
Don't take sides (although clearly you are on his side)
Don't reference past events to illustrate failings on either side
Listen
Listen
Listen
Offer accomodation
Feed him!
Have time for him

This, plus if you've had a similar experience (I have - couple of long term relationships ended before I met my current wife) reassure him that, no matter how he feels right now it will pass, life will go on, and there will be good times in his future, though it could be quite a while before the "hole in my life" feeling goes away.
 
If he was "dumped", you could tell him, in a kind of offhand casual way, about when you were dumped by a woman and that women are like the tram, there is always another one coming along. On the other hand, if he dumped her, there should be less of a problem. Above all I would not dramatise, and leave it to him do decide if he even wants to discuss it. Maybe he won't, and would be horribly embarrassed if you broach the subject.
 
General advice:

Empathise with his emotional state.

Ask him what you can do to help.

Respect his reply.

No, no! He hasn't been diagnosed with a disease. Maybe he does not have an "emotional state" and if he has, at 27 having his parents hovering over him looking worried would make him feel even worse. Let him sort it out and just be nice to him as (presumably) you usually are.
 
Perhaps rather than saying ‘women are like Trams’ :):) maybe suggest that breakups are common and you suffered one in the past. Until you know wether he or she made the split you’re on dodgy ground. Try to stay in keeping with his mood, i.e talk him up or down as necessary.
Good luck.
 
Booze is a depressant, makes you do foolish things-especially when your emotions are already in a mess.
Feed him, shelter him(in every sense of the word) and as said before just listen and reassure him he won't always feel this way. Poor lad.
I'd like to add to that. Alcohol is an ultimate depressant but before that it intensifies the mood you are in already. So if happy get happier = good but if angry or depressed you'll only get a lot worse.

DV
 


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