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Midlife Crisis

Woodface said:
I probably had one around the age of 39, just felt dissatisfied with life & my physical condition. Took up cycling, lost about 3 stone & gained a whole new set of friends through my new hobby.

I think I am happier now than I was 10 years ago but the 40s are a tough decade for blokes; you just become greatly aware of your own mortality & time speeds up.

I am sure this year has been a shitter for most of us, hopefully my impending hip operation will give me another lease of life & I can kick in again.

Just remember that age is a privilege so don’t resent getting old.
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If it’s a new hip believe me, after mine I was revitalised!
 
I think I'm now on my third? Yr 2000 separated, moved into a tiny cottage, but then found that having separated my finances from my (equally well paid) wife, I could afford to buy and renovate a semi-classic Porsche (964 c4). Remarried and got three free kids to add to my one, so, Porsche had to go, but time went on and only one child at home, so another Porsche (Boxster S - not really sure I liked it - too competent). That went and we spent a couple of years with the best car ever, a Skoda Fabia RS Diesel re-mapped to 185bhp - crazy fun! Wife wanted another convertible so we now have an Audi TT diesel roadster - better than the Boxster - but it's done a million miles and is worth nothing now.
So I then get cancer, which is the best excuse to do whatever you want, so in the garage is an Apal Porsche 356 replica, waiting for a Subaru engine transplant (and a lot of other work).

Otherwise 40 years in the same job with same employer, and living in the same small community for 35 of those years, so everyone knows what I've done, and some things I haven't done, but why deny anything!
 
I didn’t have one.
I did have a full blown nervous breakdown though.
Took two years for the meds to get me out from under the bed.
Retired early.
Found myself.
Since 2002 my life’s been bloody marvellous.
Fancy cars - sod off.
Changing hi fi - sod off
Just spend all my spare dosh on travel, concerts, opera now.
 
In my early 50s. I have no real complaints, but life is stressful - sole breadwinner for a family in a very expensive part of the USA with kid in private college and constant fear of healthcare costs & being laid off - unable to step out of the rat race. I would prefer a lower key life, but it will be hard to achieve that until
- kids become more independent
- manage to leave the USA
- wife either gets a job or leaves.

Exercise is the only thing that keeps me on the rails. Fortunately it also keeps me fit and hopefully out of the clutches of American healthcare.
 
I don't believe I've ever had a 'crisis'. Bad things have happened and life was difficult at times but looking back every one of those events turned out for the best and was an opportunity!

Cheers,

DV
 
JemHayward said:
I think I'm now on my third? Yr 2000 separated, moved into a tiny cottage, but then found that having separated my finances from my (equally well paid) wife, I could afford to buy and renovate a semi-classic Porsche (964 c4). Remarried and got three free kids to add to my one, so, Porsche had to go, but time went on and only one child at home, so another Porsche (Boxster S - not really sure I liked it - too competent). That went and we spent a couple of years with the best car ever, a Skoda Fabia RS Diesel re-mapped to 185bhp - crazy fun! Wife wanted another convertible so we now have an Audi TT diesel roadster - better than the Boxster - but it's done a million miles and is worth nothing now.
So I then get cancer, which is the best excuse to do whatever you want, so in the garage is an Apal Porsche 356 replica, waiting for a Subaru engine transplant (and a lot of other work).

Otherwise 40 years in the same job with same employer, and living in the same small community for 35 of those years, so everyone knows what I've done, and some things I haven't done, but why deny anything!
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Haha! Free kids.
Lot of car stuff in there.
I hope you are fully recovered from that shit and live to be at least 85.
 
Bob McC said:
I didn’t have one.
I did have a full blown nervous breakdown though.
Took two years for the meds to get me out from under the bed.
Retired early.
Found myself.
Since 2002 my life’s been bloody marvellous.
Fancy cars - sod off.
Changing hi fi - sod off
Just spend all my spare dosh on travel, concerts, opera now.
Click to expand...
What's a nervous breakdown like and how old were you?
 
sean99 said:
In my early 50s. I have no real complaints, but life is stressful - sole breadwinner for a family in a very expensive part of the USA with kid in private college and constant fear of healthcare costs & being laid off - unable to step out of the rat race. I would prefer a lower key life, but it will be hard to achieve that until
- kids become more independent
- manage to leave the USA
- wife either gets a job or leaves.

Exercise is the only thing that keeps me on the rails. Fortunately it also keeps me fit and hopefully out of the clutches of American healthcare.
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Is that the American dream you are describing?
 
Massive midlife crisis here.

I guess all the usual big questions have spiralled through my head — is this all there is to life, will I never be anything more, why do I still eat hot food when I pay dearly for it — twice, and why did I end up doing what I do instead of solving mysteries with some friends and my dog while driving around in a van,...

I hate to be so shallow as say that retail therapy helped, but when I hit 55 I bought something big — an Apollo 11 fountain pen.

apollo_fp1000__33156.1576880938.jpg


It's not actually as big as a Saturn V rocket. I hope the picture doesn't suggest that.

Joe
 
I was 60 last month, retired from the NHS just shy of 56 , I’d had enough, my wife is still working in the same hospital . @richardg I get your point about being more emotional, every couple of weeks there’s a new song that gets me crying , but one of the biggest influences since then was my son surviving the arena bombing but one of his best friends being killed. We went to the vigil for him and came away with the message “say yes more often “, I’ve not done anything spectacular but my main pleasures are football,music and travelling so I’ve done as much as I can of them. I’ve got a list of music venues I’d like to visit around the country and I’m going to have a good go at doing the 92( football grounds) when we’re allowed back in, go to see The Miami Dolphins play, travel around the states to places that are mentioned in song titles. Not so much a mid-life crisis as a re-evaluation I suppose.
 
richardg said:
Have people never been a big part of your life, Tony? I mean maybe a big romance, kids, your mum or dad etc?
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Friends, yes, but I was never able to get relationships to work, or understand why they didn’t, and just gave up trying decades ago. I’ve certainly never aspired to the wife, children, grandchildren thing. That isn’t me at all. I never pictured that life, so don’t feel I missed out. I’ve always been an outsider/loner and FWIW I’d put fairly substantial money on (fairly mild) Aspergers, plus a very strong ‘INTJ’ on the Myers-Briggs indicator, though I see no point in following any of that up as I’m now so content doing my thing I actually see it as strengths. I never fitted at school either, not even slightly, and it all makes sense in that light. I’ve long since created my own viable space and I’m perfectly happy in it. If there is one ‘crisis’ thing, mid-life or far younger, I have learned it is don’t ever feel you have to ‘fit in’ as that way a shitload of misery and stress lies. Just have the confidence to drop out and do your own thing on your own terms and a great life awaits.

PS It is quite telling how little covid 19 has impacted me. I’ve been in lockdown since February and have barely noticed to be honest! I just need to buy a good record collection for the record shop... Don’t get me wrong, I’ll very much enjoy seeing my handful of close friends again, going back to my vintage computer nerd day at the museum etc, but in no way am I going stir-crazy.
 
richardg said:
What's a nervous breakdown like and how old were you?
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I was 50.
I couldn’t face work, friends or family.
I wasn’t sleeping.
I was drinking excessively.
I came home from work, ate my dinner then turned myself off.
No time for wife or kids.
I was breaking down at work.
I was taking time off.
I used to drive in hoping for an accident to stop me having to be there.
Every thing was my fault.
Any new challenge became an insurmountable obstacle.
Life was becoming more and more unbearable.
Anyone came to the door I would hide.
I withdrew from life.

Thank god for my wife, my union and a GP who knew exactly what was needed.
 
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